Menopause is so hot right now
I was not prepared for “Cougar Puberty.”
Imagine telling someone from the past about what life is like for a menopausal person in 2023.
“They wake up wearing menopause pajamas in a bed made with menopause sheets. For breakfast, they’ll sip some organic menopause tea while nibbling on a menopause nutrition bar. After taking a menopause vitamin and a menopause probiotic, they’ll do the washing up with a hilarious menopause tea towel.
Our menopausal friend will shower using special menopause shampoo, conditioner, body wash, and moisturizer, then towel off and apply menopause creams for face, neck, and hands before putting on a menopause outfit and a pop of menopause cosmetics.
Then it’s time to check in with menopause content creators like Hot & Flashy, especially if it’s Menopause Monday. There’s always some drama on MenoTok, and Instagram has menopause memes, menopause inspo, and too many menopause influencers to count. They might scroll around looking for their next menopause vacation or menopause spa retreat, or finally buy tickets for “Menopause: The Musical.”
Of course, you’ll assure your grandparent, the menopause of the future isn’t just about looking great and feeling great. Where’s the CEO in that?
No menopause is complete without empowering others by launching a menopause app, menopause in the workplace consulting company, menopausal digital platform, menopause telemedicine brand, menopause community, menopause event series, menopause podcast, or menopause product line. After a day of fulfilling work, and maybe some menopausally supported sex, a menopausal sleep aid will help send our menoprotagonist off to dreamland–unless they prefer to take some menopause weed products instead.”
I hate it!
I hate it all. I hate that menopause went from something no one talks about to a $17 billion industry that’s deafening us with the voices of thin cis white women. I hate that it’s making obscenely rich people obscenely richer. I hate that trans healthcare is always a glib afterthought. I hate that these two are calling it Cougar Puberty. I hate that celebrities sell menopause products in their “marketplaces” and don’t disclose that they are investors in the companies that make the products. I hate that this woman is a menopause influencer and she’s hawking a meal plan to “blast belly fat.” I hate that there are menopause influencers. I hate this whole thing about menopause costs in the workplace.
More than anything, I HATE THE JOKES!!!!
I guess it’s easy to say, “White women are ruining menopause for everyone,” but it’s kind of the truth. Menopause used be a pretty empty narrative space. There weren’t any stories. Shows like Fleabag and AbFab occasionally acknowledged menopause in passing, but that’s about it. Until recently, when white women, already well-positioned as columnists, authors, essayists, and influencers, saw the empty space and, with the best of intentions, started telling their stories.
The problem is that when white women (like me) start telling our stories, we tend to take up the whole space. We define it, we celebrate it, we applaud ourselves for entering it, and we don’t leave much room for anyone else. We tell ourselves “The personal is political” to justify every essay and social media post, but if we’re going to claim political intentions, we have to think about whose interests our narratives serve, and whose they obscure. Framing menopause as something to be conquered by a smiling white woman is colonial thinking. I know that sounds extreme! I think I stand by it!
Listen, I am not immune to this. I fucking loved that Fleabag moment. I have considered doing a podcast about menopause. I still might do a podcast about menopause. (Interested? Call me.) I am not a perfect white ally by any measure. I just keep thinking about how the tools we white ladies use to break down barriers often end up being barriers themselves to anyone else who comes along. The menopause app founded, funded, engineered, and aimed at white people might give a nod to the multiple ways racism impacts Black women as they go through menopause, but it’s never going to truly be a tool that helps undo those impacts.
Let’s stop ourselves and talk about racism and menopause for at least a bit longer than a nod. Black women experience more intense symptoms than white women, but are less likely to be treated for them. Researchers looked at 25 years of women’s health studies and found “The enduring influence of structural racism—differential access to the goods, services and opportunities of society by race—is a major contributor to the health disparities between Black and white women in the midlife,” according to Siobán Harlow, one of the authors of the study. These disparities come on top of Black women carrying a greater disease burden, facing greater socioeconomic disadvantages, and being underrepresented in clinical trials.
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“Black women experience more intense symptoms than white women, but are less likely to be treated for them” is a perfect example of centering white women, actually. The comparison is helpful to illustrate a fucked reality—it’s the same framing the researchers used—and I haven’t been able to think of a better way to put it. Please chime in in the comments if you have thoughts.
What starts to happen is that “Black women experience more intense symptoms than white women” becomes the only story Black women get in the menopause space. Non-women who experience menopause also get a little space, but we cis white ladies will stay in the center. And the center is where the money is.
Oh my god the money! If you must know, my podcast idea is “Moneypause,” and all I want is five episodes to explore how this whole thing has become a nightmare of pharma exploitation and female founders telling us shopping is healthcare. I keep typing “Life gave us lemons and unfortunately some of us got investors and created Liz Lemonade,” and then erasing it, but now I’ve decided to leave it because it really drives home that there are no good menopause jokes.
We deserve better narratives than “White woman has feeling, buys product.” What about stories like this?
I don’t have a crisp solution to wrap everything up. I think it’s worth talking about though. If I said anything completely off-base I’m definitely going to blame menopausal brain fog and no one can stop me.
Also, according to my extensive research, there is one good menopause joke. This one.
Who finished their sentence without a period?
Menopausal convicts.
This might cool you off
Google Underwater Street View lets you explore various ocean locations all over the globe and it’s amazing. (It’s not new, but I either just found it, or found it once, forgot about it, and found it again. Brain fog!)
Underwater Street View works best on Google Earth but it works on regular Google Maps, too. Please note the warning that says “You are currently running an experimental version of Earth.” It makes me feel like a sad AI who found a simulation of our ruined planet and I find a certain beauty in that feeling.
Why not be your own AI and explore the Great Barrier Reef or a shipwreck? No submarine required! Here’s some dolphins!!
Deeper links
I loved Mara Gay’s piece on how public swimming pools save lives. Weird how whenever you wonder why things are a certain way in America, like “Why aren’t there more public pools?” the answer is always racism.
We are force fed the narratives of rich people all the time, so it’s nice to have things like The Artist Pay Project, where you can read about the economic life of artists and activists across the country.
Even though I joked about MenoTok, there are some good conversations happening there.
I absolutely live for the Tate’s TikTok.
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Quick addition: I got so agitated writing this that I forgot to include two very important links, thank you to my forever queen Jacqui Shine for immediately reminding me.
Another royal, Heather Corinna, made menopause bearable for me with their book What Fresh Hell Is This? Heather is the founder of Scarletteen, a website that’s out there saving LGBTQ (and straight) teen lives every single day. There’s nothing more important than the work they do, and yet they also found the time to write this book! Wtf! Just like Heather, it’s direct, informed, hilarious, and accessible.
Also hilarious: Bridget Christie’s The Change. Get a VPN!
I see a million of those ads on Instagram hawking menopause products for belly fat (as you said), but at no time ever did an ob/gyn tell me what to expect in menopause of offer anything (suggestions or otherwise) to alleviate symptoms. Nothing. I once had an ob/gyn say, "I don't know why there's even a word for perimenopause" and I switched doctors after that. All kinds of people are making money off it but it's still not being discussed in a serious way in terms of relief. (In other words: I am mad too!)
I call it Reverse Puberty and I’m so glad I got it done and over with before menopause hit Mother Earth. If men are wondering what a hot flash feels like, ask them to take a summertime hike in Death Valley, fully clothed, long-sleeves and everything. All day. Every day. (Even when they’re supposed to be sleeping.) For years. xo